Thankfully the store was pretty empty and I went and ugly cried out in the garden department. It really hit me today how weird everything is. Walmart was QUIET. Everyone has masked on and such sad eyes. People look wore out and worried. I was standing in the Easter stuff aisle and I started thinking about “ what if I got covid19 and died “ (Anxiety is a beast ) then I thought of my parents who have both passed and what I would want my kids to remember about me.
At the end of the aisle there were those premade Easter baskets. My father in law would give those to the kids before he passed away and that's where I lost it. Like seriously sobbing. I’m sure I scared the one other lady in the store near me. So I put my hair in my face and hurried outside. I cried for like 5 minutes then I pulled myself together to go to self check out and get the hell out of there.
Sitting in the car I’m like “ what is wrong with you girl?! Pull yourself together “ then I realized it..... I am sad. Sadness isn’t an emotion I deal well with. My go to is anger. But who am I supposed to be angry at? The virus? I’m sad my daughters baby shower is cancelled, I’m sad our vow renewal is cancelled, and that friends gender reveal parties, and birthday parties, and Prom and graduations are cancelled.
I’m sad that my world has changed and am fearful for what the future looks like after this. And that’s okay! I don’t have to “ suck it up “ and “ get over it “ , sadness is a valid emotion and if you’re sad, scared, etc know that your feelings are valid. This is a scary time. Validating our feelings will help us get through this.