“STRUGGLE BUS“ I always laugh when I see this way to describe something. Then I got on it. And not like the short local route. Like the long cross country, I feel gross and tired route.
I’d like to be all “ oh my gosh I don’t know what happened?! I was doing so well then CRASH “
But that’s a lie... and I hate liars, and I promised myself and my Heavenly Father that I will always be 100% brutally honest when I share my life on here.
( I just realized I’ve never told that story about my blog conversation with God! Okay, noted for another time )
But anyway back to my long bus ride...
So I stopped checking in with myself. I stopped listening to my own advice, I stopped setting boundaries, my co dependency was throwing a huge party for itself and I burnt myself out.
By burnt out I don’t mean, I was tired and wore out. I mean, I was anxiety ridden, and depressed. I was focused on some past trauma and letting that seep into dealing with some new behavior stuff from one of my sweet fost/adopt kiddos. I started eating horrible, and skipping exercise, I was just an all around MESS!
So I reached out to the kids therapist. She’s more of the family therapist and has been part of our family for 6 years. She has walked through hell with us, and held my hand in the hospital when I collapsed from stress. I trust her 110%. She listened and then calmly said “ Kelly, it’s okay to go back on your medication. I know you worked hard to get off, but there is no shame in going back on. “
Okay so not the words I wanted to hear lol. But after prayer. A LOT of prayer. And turning off social media on the weekends, and talking to my Dr. I decided she was right. Mental health is equally important as physical health, so I started back on Lexapro. It’s not a magic fix. But it calmed my anxiety enough to where I could get back to my healthy self. Where I could leave the house, and go to the gym. And make better food choices. Where I could say "No" to things that do not feed my happiness, nor my bank account.
This isn’t to tell you that if you’re struggling to go get on pharmaceutical medication. I’m not you, and I’m not your Dr. but it is to tell you my story, and if maybe someone is struggling because of all the stigma around mental health issues and medication, that you know that it helped me. And that’s it’s okay to say you need help.