I have been healing. A lot. I thought that when I started healing. I mean REALLY healing, I will feel euphoric. It would be this amazing feeling like the clouds have parted and I can see the sun again. That is not what happened. It made me uncomfortable. And I mean UNCOMFORTABLE. Then I realized it's because I didn't know who I was healed. My trauma started in childhood and compounded through the years. So all I have ever known is that version of me.
So I have been spending some time getting to know the healed version of me. The one that isn't in constant anxiety mode. The one that doesn't question everything she does, or beats herself up daily for being a failure. The one that cries alone in the shower or in bed in the dark.
This new me is very kind to herself. She is uplifting, and strong. She is determined to continue to make a better life for herself. She extends grace.
I know so many out there are still fighting to take their lives back. I want you to know that there will still be this part. This weird , awkward part. But you can do it! You can keep moving forward and keep continuing to heal, because me and that healed girl inside you are rooting for you!